Hi all! I'm a hard working successful self employed Professional.
I live alone in Pembroke Pines Florida. I am very easy going, have a pretty good, laid back life, as I work at home, and wake up when I want, and just work with a couple cool cats, who also work at home.
I am Italian.
I prefer for a woman to contact me first, as I don't want to try to force myself on an individual. Here is a few of the criteria I consider in a woman:
1. It is important that a woman helps me around the house, and has a job.
2. It is important that a woman makes me laugh.
3. It is important that she?s a woman I can count on, and that doesn't lie to me.
4. It is important that a woman loves me and spoils me.
5. It is important that a woman is uninhibited in the bedroom.
6. It is important that these five women don't know each other. ;-) IT IS A JOKE!!!! Okay?
Who am I? I am pretty simple. I like to make money. I like nice things. I like to eat out every meal. I like my space, and I am happy to give you yours. I do NOT like drama. I am NOT over bearing. Too many people today are control freaks, I am NOT one of them.
Turn ons: Nice People, Nice things, Good Food, Nice Cars, Going Away, Making Money, Being with someone who is fun, Big House, Drinking some nice drinks with friends, More to come...
Turn Offs: Mean People who act like they are better than others, Taxes, Road Rage indiots on the road while I am around them, More to come...
What do I want to do if we get together? Eat, Drink, and Be Merry!!!!! No Drama! No BS! Just chill, have fun, and relax!!!
FUNNY T-SHIRT QUOTES
-My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn`t!
-Some people are alive only because it`s illegal to kill them.
-I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
-You`re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
-Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
-Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
-Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.
-I`m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
-Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
-NyQuil: The stuffy, sneezy, coughing, why-oh-why-is-the-room spinning medicine.
-God must love stupid people; he made so many.
-The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
-It IS as bad as you think. (The secret of Jerry Springer`s success.)
-I`ve learned that you can keep puking long after you think you`re finished.
-I`ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
-I`ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
-I`ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. ****************************** ****************************** ************************ HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: (new 2006 version)
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is SURGICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
10.She is not a SL*T - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11.She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
12.She is not a TWO-BIT WH*RE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER. ****************************** ****************************** ************************* Straight to the Point Pick Up Lines: When you have to know, now!
Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew...
Do you know the difference between my %#&@$! and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
IS THIS YOUR PHONE NUMBER?
Who thinks of these things??!??
Only works for the seven digit Please check your phone number.
1) Key-in the first 3 digits of your phone number into the calculator
2) Multiply by 80
3) Add 1
4) Multiply by 250
5) Plus last four digit of phone number
6) Plus last four digit of phone number again
7) Minus 250
8) Divide by 2 at last
Is it your phone number ?
-I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
-Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
-Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
-To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
-Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up.
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AS I MATURE...(BY ANONYMOUS)
I`ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I`ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just a**holes.
I`ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I`ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you`d better have a big weenie or huge boobs.
I`ve learned that you shouldn`t compare yourself to others- they aremore screwed up than yoT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a GRAIN ALCOHOL STORAGE
FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK -He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL
INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
10. He is not HORNY - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED
______________________________ _____________
Top Ten Things I`d Like To Say Now That I`m Miss Universe
(as presented by Amelia Bega of the Dominican Republic)
10. First thing I`m gonna do is pardon Martha Stewart
9. Don`t bother asking for my number unless you`re Mr. Universe
8. Without makeup, I look like Don Rickles
7. Not only am I Miss Universe -- I have just been named editor of "The New York Times"
6. My accent is fake
5. A message to all the kids: just be smoking hot and you`ll do fine
4. Now that I got the title, I`m just gonna sit on my %#&@$! and eat pancakes
3. Tomorrow the tiara goes on e-bay
2. I can`t believe Letterman cut his finger making spaghetti -- what a jackass
1. I corked my bra
______________________________ _____________
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America`s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn`t want to go to war, and the threemost powerful men in America are named `Bush`,`%#&@$!`, and `Colon`. NeedI say more?"
********HOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO BAD PEOPLE
HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON`T GO AWAY?
DON`T UPSET ME! I`M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES
A woman needs 4 animals in her life--- a mink in her back, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass to pay for it all.
And last but not least:
IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
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WHO AM I?
I am a Taurus,
Loyal, reliable, stable but stubborn,
A semi-feminist,
A romantic realist,
An open book,
A seeker of truth,
A shoulder to lean on,
A confidante,
A friend,
A fashion fanatic,
A lover of art and music,
I am totally responsible for myself,
I am ultimately ME....
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WORDS TO LIVE BY:
1. Hope for the best, but expect the worst..and you`ll never be disappointed!
2. The higher the rise, the lower the fall....step oneveryone elsealong the way and you are already down there!
3.A mistake/mishap is a blessing in disguise.
4. When one door closes, another one opens.
5. Things happen for a reason. Better yet sh*t happens for a reason.
6. Life`s one big piece of crap...so make the most of it!
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