Wow its been around 9 years since I've visited this place. Things look so different and so unfamiliar...just like this town I call home now. Trying to start all over again after losing my wife of 8 years and my 2 wonderful daughters. Trying to find faces I can call friends in a city full of strangers.
It's true what they say, "You don't know what you have till its gone"...the thing with me is I know what I've lost and what I've let slip through my heads. And the guilt is what eats me up inside. Knowing that I failed the woman I love and my daughters that just wants to see me smile. So I try to fight this depression and look for that light at the end of the tunnel no matter how long I must walk this road alone.
So I end this intro about myself with 2 quotes that fits me so well:
"Redemption, it's what we all hope for, because frankly, we all know we've done evil. We're all human beings, and all of us have. We all have regret; we all have deep guilt; and we all, at the inner core of us, want to believe that we can redeem ourselves."
"I've lost myself. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I'm not who I was, and I can't go back. I can only be who I make myself be. Sadly - I must trod on, and somehow find a way to get through, before this depression consumes my life force."
BTW I am looking for positive people to help me reprogram my negative ways. So I am not here to date or hook up, just here to think and rethink. But if you must know a little about me, I've been a visual merchandise for most of my life so looking the part is a must for me and I think I tend to have more clothes then most girls but shoes are my main addiction. Don't get me wrong I am not superficial but I think its just the way I have been programed b/c of what I used to do. But really I love shoes and clothes and working at ALDOS wasn't good for my paycheck and now I just landed a job working at GUESS!!! But really if you guys must see a pic, well I have those reserved for the good people that are on my friendslist =)
We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.
Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.
We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be... (continue reading)
"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived."
I can't save her and I'm tired of offering to help only get a rude reply. It is what it is and I can't change what we both did but I can change this path I am traveling. So I walk away from... (continue reading)
