eastxdragon

.......for all the VETERANS of past, present, and future.....i pray for you and thank you for your selfless service


.......for the ones who are still away from home, i pray for COURAGE, STRENGTH, WISDOM to guide you everyday and an eventual safe trip home

i find myself awake
w/ numerous thoughts racing through my restless mind
but a particular one treads above the others
the one that affects our heart
which in return affects our mind
i once closed that path and told myself...
to never turn back
to never seek
to never believe
to never hope
.....
this was so...
i couldn't be blinded
couldn't be let down
couldn't fall again
.....
so why have i let it up...
and walk that path once more...
to take that chance
to take that risk
.....
everything in this world happens for a reason
every actions coexist w/ reactions
.....
this will purposely be an unfinished 'collection' because i have a reason to believe this path can never be off limit forever but in return will be trek over and over again


if you had any difficulty figuring out what this blog was about, then you have not walked a path similar to mine or so many others....but don't think that im judging you negatively for not understanding because that's not what this is about at all...
so relax and take a breather and some chilled pills...haha j/p

thanks babe "jo3gxrl"

"so many wannabes out there who will run into fear and coward when they realize they were chumps all along..."

"....what will happen to them when one by one, people around them realized the truth to their nature......"

"....what will happen when their world crumbles and they have no one to turn to....."

"....no where else to run...."

"....will they laugh then?"

"......count me out of the hatred and illusions that surround me.....i will not join you into your own last thread of happiness.....your world you know will fall and think back at what you have achieved throughout your life......"

"nothing"

Why is it so hard for me to express what's honestly going through my heart and mind these days? Is it fear that's keeping me from doing so? It's something i keep asking myself since I've been back. There are so many things I want to share w/ my families and friends (non-military)..... so far, every time I try, it gets lost in the execution. Granted, some of my friends are awesome listeners. but when I look them in the eyes, I can see that they will never fully understand what's running through my heart and mind. I wanna open up and let the shield I've put up during my time over in Iraq down. But at the same time, I fear that it may alienate me more so. It's sad, as time passes, I'm getting better and better at masking the struggle within myself. Most of my families and friends are fooled by how i want them to view me. They don't see how deep inside, I wanna just let it all out, physically and emotionally... But as I continue my self-evaluation, I slowly realize once again that I'm not alone in my struggle. Most people today are hurting inside as well. The only difference is the reason and/or origin. I believe the current state of society doesn't help the matter as well....because we are so guilty of allowing society dictate how we live. And I'm not talking about the laws in which governs and maintain orders. It's the image the media has projected and burned into our mind everyday. We look for acceptance and guidance from a world that has lost touch with the importance of life. Yeah, there's been films and t.v. shows that plays into how messed up our society has become. But in the end, do we try to change for the better? Not just for the short term, but long term as well. And when we try to change for the better, are we changing for all the selfless reasons? I'm so guilty of allowing society dictate what success is and how in order to survive, I must not be afraid to step over people. I'm guilty of forgetting to focus on all the goods my families, friends, and other people in this world had done. I'm guilty of many other things....and i wanna change for the better, but the road to change can not be traversed alone. thank you 'JXOXO21', 'BeTTer-Day', and others for helping me realize we may not go through the exact experiences throughout life, but there are similarities in our struggle to understand how it may effect oneself. And as for bettering myself in selfless ways, I guess that struggle will be eternal. AND ONCE AGAIN, THESE ARE MY PERSONAL OPINIONS AND NOTHING MORE

how long have i wandered w/o knowing the truth of things. people who call you family or hang w/ you in your face but really do so if it benefits them in their own personal agenda. its sad and just fucking pathetic of myself for falling victim to such stupidity. i seriously need to reevaluate who and what is important in my life because those i thought i could depend on are nothing more than weasels. trust and respect is such a rarity these days.

....lost in the vastness of the void w/in myself..... ....light of hope dimmed..... ....by a loose thread i hold...... ....hoping i find my wings and fly away.... (just penting off how i feel at times.....as you may know by now....i use the net to release from times to times)