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preference vs asiaphile (38)

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nabi007

Female, Age Private, Seattle, WA

Posted


hi all,

i can imagine that this has been discussed before but i couldn't find it when i searched forums...so here goes.

i went out on a couple of dates with this caucasian guy only to find out that he's recently divorced and his ex is korean also. (i'm korean) coincidence? he's dated a white girl and a japanese girl before me...which neither worked out.

but i've developed a sensitivity to white men who end up dating asian women from some past experiences...when does it cross over from being preference to asiaphile?

anyone have any experiences / thoughts about this? ladies especially, please share your 2 cents about this! it comes up regularly and i don't know what to make of it...ugh.

-yunie


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Rachel1913

Female, 31, Apopka, FL

Posted


I don't think that any non-Asian should be labeled an Asiaphile (which has a negative tone) just because they like to date Asians. Only when the non-Asian finds a perverse interest in Asians for any particular reason and dates them so that they can get off on that perversion, should they be termed an Asiaphile. I don't think we should negatively label a normal person who happens to like Asians.


Paper_Doll

Male, 30, Gore Springs, MS

Posted


not saying you have to agree but these people (not all) only want a person they can have to themselves and because most Asian Americans live outside their race 'asia-philes' don't have to compete for attention. they see someone who is more vulnerable because they don't have the support of the Asian community.

that's why people are intimated by lots of Asians in the same room.


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StrongVibe

Male, 42, Boston, MA

Posted


In my experience, I've only gotten this kind of concern from Asian women. In the past, I've been asked by some girls whether I had dated an Asian girl before. I don't ask girls how many Latin guys they've been with before, so honestly, now I just tell them it's none of their business.

Not a single Black, White or Latin girl has ever shown any concern about whether I've been with other girls of their race before or not. I honestly don't understand the paranoia.


swo0p

Male, 36, Lowell, MA

Posted


I think preference and asianphile is the same, except asianphile is "negative' or whatever. If a guy likes asian girls..what's the problem?? He's interested in the culture and learning about it. I think a bigger problem for me is that many non-asian girls don't give a crap about my culture. It's a horrible feeling to be around non-asians who are cool with your non-asian side, but could care less about your culture. I'm willing to bet that most of us are around non-asians who couldn't even name our nationality.


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brmc4ever

Male, 37, Fullerton, CA

Posted


Most asiaphiles aren't scary. Some are dead creepy - you see some here, and myspace.

As an asian guy, I've come across a lot of white guys with asian fetish, and honestly, most of the time, they are likable guys (some are scary/perversed though - ones that tend to hate asian guys, and the race, but fiercely love the women and culture).

As long as the person has good heart, I don't see any problem.


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KJamal99

Male, 36, Dallas, TX

Posted


I have honestly never seen that word before now, but I agree 100% with what shortypai said. I have only recently realized that I am solely attracted to Asian women. However, I have never dated one; but, I have always had Asian(-American) friends- especially during college. shortypai is absolutely correct in saying that Asian women are different from American women, and that they bring things to the table that American women wont or just refuse to bring. While I have always gotten the impression that Asian women are not romantically interested in Black men, I could totally see myself being happy with one.

I think that what I have is a preference, not some perverse fetish for Asian women. Like I said, it has only recently occurred to me that every single Asian woman I've been friends with has been an incredibly good woman - "wifey material" as I like to call it. On the other hand, there have been very few American women I would give that label to.

To answer the original question, I think a preference turns into "asiaphile" when the attraction becomes a sexual obsession. Right? Like if you can't function "in that manner" unless your partner is Asian. I would also assume the word would imply that this type of person goes through an inordinate amount of Asian partners. Hey, on this same note... What do you call the Asian women who only date Caucasian men? You see a lot of that here in Dallas and on most dating boards. That's totally not a bitter question, I'm just curious if there's a word for that too.


ti8er

Female, 32, Beverly Hills, CA

Posted


brmc4ever

Male, 37, Fullerton, CA


Most asiaphiles aren't scary. Some are dead creepy - you see some here, and myspace.

As an asian guy, I've come across a lot of white guys with asian fetish, and honestly, most of the time, they are likable guys (some are scary/perversed though - ones that tend to hate asian guys, and the race, but fiercely love the women and culture).

As long as the person has good heart, I don't see any problem.


omg ive come across scary asiaphiles before...
i tell them to f*** off


basic_Aalogy

Male, 29, North Bergen, NJ

Posted


hmmm asiaphile does sound quite offensive
anyways let me explain my story..

ever since i was a little boy, i had a thing for asian girls

i've had only one asain girlfriend whom was japanese (which wasn't very serious since i was just a pre-teen)
and that's probably where it all started.

i don't know if it's their small frame, straight dark hair, their beautiful eyes or just a mix of all of them that pull me towards them ever so violently lol. i just love asian women.. i don't despise asian men, i honestly feel drawn towards them, not in a gay way either... just because i'm interested in the difference in cultures. after all they say opposites attract


i still want to learn japanese :D

when i was a little boy i used to always dream of being with an asian woman
to me, they are the most beautiful of ethnicities, and no i'm not racist i love white,black,latina,etc. and i've been with them all

i just PREFFER asain woman (though i've yet to be with one seriously)

hence my asian ave account :P

(and to be honest, what would you expect on such a site if you're repulsed by what you'd call an asiaphile)

thanks for takin' the time to read

~C.J.~


seoulflower

Female, Age Private, Los Angeles, CA

Posted


thanks to the media, war and pop culture (hello kitty, animination etc.)

YES, I KNOW RICE-CHASERS EXIST!!!

I HAVE THEM AT MY JOB, MY NEIGHBORS, ETC...

IN FACT, EVEN WHEN I CALL ON THE PHONE TO ORDER AND I'M ALL, YES, MY NAME IS YUN I'D LIKE TO ORDER A...
THE DUDE (USUALLY WHITE) IS ALL, "oH, really Yun, so how are you today? Can't wait to meet you?..."

RICE CHASERS
YELLOW FEVER ETC...

yes, we all have preferences, but to blindly chase after a races is creepy and objectifying us!

especially since were still considered trophies, arm pieces, souvirnors etc.....

it's different if you grew up around asians or asian culture, or you yourself is another minority and can relate to being an immigrant or learning english etc. but when dudes step to me and expect me to be a certain way becuz their last gf was or because want a "lotus blossom" or "ghesia" that is something different!!!

i've had co-workers ask me to walk on their back!
told me that they wanted a woman like me because we know how to please a man.....

so yeah i only date mugs where the chemistry is mutual!!


CJeezy_27

Female, 35, Seattle, WA

Posted


CLOSED

Female, 37, Sacramento, CA


As someone who has dated just about every race, I dont think it's a fetish at all. I think that they are attracted to us Asian women because we are generally different from the mainstream girls that they tired of dating. We bring a lot to the table that others refuse to. It is the cultural aspect that we take for granted that they like, at least in my experience. I've always been told that after me, they would be more open to date other asians in the future.


Very interesting take on it... if I an understanding Shortypai right. Are you saying that non-Asian women are "mainstream" and that you are not? I was always brought up to believe that race doesn't determine stature. Slavery, caste systems, segregation, internment camps, and the like- they were put in place against all of us at some point, right? If that's the case, then that means no race is "superior", "unique", "negative", or "mainstream". It means that we are all on even keel so to speak.

What I find even more intriguing is the claim to have dated or do date men of all races- which is brilliant! ... But, having said this, that would mean that you'd be unconsciously conveying, per your words, that the "non-Asian" raced men "bring a lot to the table that others refuse to"- hence, displacing the culture you are so proud of. I may have that all wrong and, poor choice of words aside, you may have meant that positvely.

I also see that there is a post speaking on how this man happens to prefer Asian women above the "American" women that he's dated, yet he has not dated any Asian women seriously. Again, odd... first-off, mate, you are inadvertently claiming that none of these Asian women are American... hmmm, that can't be true. Secondly, you say "While I have always gotten the impression that Asian women are not romantically interested in Black men, I could totally see myself being happy with one." Now, how would you feel if you were regarded by these women the same way that you regard the "American" women? If they looked at you as unacceptable for whatever reason. Lets sayit's because, culturally, they expected you to beat them, rob them, shoot hoops or "bust a cap"? It seems like another case of poor word choice- since there's two sides to every coin, mate.

To be real, where I live, there is no higher standard for Asians. In fact, sadly, they do not seem to be as valued as the "mainstream" people. I live in Arizona, if that gives any indication- there are Asian communities and a demographic, but it is the smallest of the minority groups.

My family tree has multi-colored leaves: Black, Native American, White (Scottish origin) and I am British American. I meet guys that want to date me solely because:
a) I have a big booty
b) I have a "not-typical of Blacks" facial structure and freckles.
c) My curly hair is not the "nappy kind"
d) I have a "sexy" British accent (and I'm Black!)
e) I have a "sexy" American accent (actually called the Yank-cent)

I am attracted to Asian men as much as any other type of man. I find certain features aesthetically appealing and will continue to do so regardless of the man's race, ethnicity, or culture. That's just what attraction is...

On the other hand, stalkers and "any-philes" exist for us all. When you encounter those types that take their "appreciation" to an uncomfortable level (i.e. building you a shrine, covering your lawn with burned in symbols, or asking if Jackie Chan is your uncle), tell 'em to piss off.

AA was created for a purpose. Knowing this, we all joined this site for a reason: to meet people "who appreciate", "are of", or "want to be educated more about" Asian cultures, views, and general lives, right? Live and let live. Keep an open mind and thankful heart towards those people that find you appealing in general- even if the initial interest is due to your Asian affiliation =0)

Cheers!


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nabi007

Female, Age Private, Seattle, WA


hi all,

i can imagine that this has been discussed before but i couldn't find it when i searched forums...so here goes.

i went out on a couple of dates with this caucasian guy only to find out that he's recently divorced and his ex is korean also. (i'm korean) coincidence? he's dated a white girl and a japanese girl before me...which neither worked out.

but i've developed a sensitivity to white men who end up dating asian women from some past experiences...when does it cross over from being preference to asiaphile?

anyone have any experiences / thoughts about this? ladies especially, please share your 2 cents about this! it comes up regularly and i don't know what to make of it...ugh.

-yunie


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seoulflower

Female, Age Private, Los Angeles, CA

Posted


CJeezy_27

Female, 35, Seattle, WA


Very interesting take on it... if I an understanding Shortypai right. Are you saying that non-Asian women are "mainstream" and that you are not? I was always brought up to believe that race doesn't determine stature. Slavery, caste systems, segregation, internment camps, and the like- they were put in place against all of us at some point, right? If that's the case, then that means no race is "superior", "unique", "negative", or "mainstream". It means that we are all on even keel so to speak.

What I find even more intriguing is the claim to have dated or do date men of all races- which is brilliant! ... But, having said this, that would mean that you'd be unconsciously conveying, per your words, that the "non-Asian" raced men "bring a lot to the table that others refuse to"- hence, displacing the culture you are so proud of. I may have that all wrong and, poor choice of words aside, you may have meant that positvely.

I also see that there is a post speaking on how t
show more


i believe she said "generally" and if that doesn't apply to you then don't take it personal....
yes, point well taken, we are all complex with various multiple identities that could be another post in itself,

i think all of you could go on and mean i could go on and on how non-Asian men want to date me because:
1) large breasts
2) wavy hair
3) long hair/nails
etc.

internalized racism plays out in interracial relationships and often the media and why we "desire" certain

also wanted to throw in that I think maybe she was referring to Asian women as different from the stand point of being from the Eastern world versus the Western world that is TYPICALLY Christian, English-speaking, Capitialist, First World etc....

anyways, bottom line, I just felt compelled to back homegurl up because I think her post was taken out of context and taken to a whole nother level.....

peace & blessings,
yun


Bumbrownjr

Male, 30, Westminster, CA

Posted


Hmm... I love the Asiaphile that's hilarious! It's not a bad word it just has a negative connotation due to the english language using it mostly for negative titles like necrophiliac or pedophile. In reality the suffix phile comes from latin meaning to love something greatly. Anyways....

It's actually fairly predictable that you would get into relationships with these "Asiaphiles." From what I read you are an asian girl who likes white guys and attract guys who like asians. This really isn't a problem unless you see it as one. A person has their preferences whether they be by race, gender, age, or personality. There really isn't anything wrong with it unless it gets immoral or past taboos.

I knew a white girl who used to only date Filipino guys. They all thought it was her thing, but in reality it was just that she is always surrounded by filipinos. When she left for college she started dating white guys because there was an abundance.

If you think there is a problem with your dating habit and feel you are in a rut, you should change it up go to different places and meet different people and see if new opprotunities present themselves.


CLOSED

Male, 30, Brooklyn, NY

Posted


Though most people would say that they have an asian fetish, it may not be the case, some people may have grown up with asians, and have been more comfortable around asians and in a way consider him/herself as an asian. But there are those who have never been exposed to asians but after sometime they have grown accustomed to asians or have grown tired of their own ethnic group. But some people have to realize that not all asians act asian. I have seen many different asians who act black, who act latina, who act white,etc. (well maybe I should not use the word act, considering they are not actin, but I assume everyone gets the picture.) So in a way, some people have a fetish for asians who do not actually act asian.

-jT


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