preference vs asiaphile (38)

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Male, 34, Katy, TX


Yes, there is a certain point where it crosses the line of obsession. I would agree that there is taking i way too far. I would say for myself that I think Asian women are beauty of of a different type and that I find myself strongly attracted to them. Does that mean I'm an "asiaphile"?, or do I have to be an Asian guy to be strongly attracted to Asian women? I am who I am, and If I'm attracted to Asian women, then that's just the way it is. I'm not talking on the behalf of all you psychopaths out there who "hide pictures of Asian chicks in a secret shoebox within their closets". hahaha. I'm not an advocate of that whatsoever. Seriously though, sometimes people act as if we are a different species, like saying terms like "non-asian men" (as I have seen at least 2X). Give me a break. we are all human. We are all people.


Male, 37, Astoria, NY


Don't think it's fair to label a guy as having an Asian fetish or being an Asiaphile. His preference for Asian women is just as valid whether he is Asian himself or not. Sure, it's certainly "normal" for an Asian guy to be attracted to Asian women because they have things in common. But its just as common for someone to be attracted to another person for their differences, whether they be physical, intellectual, personal, or cultural. What matters is that the guy that dates you treat you right. And like any relationship, it's okay for him to be initially attracted to you by how you look. Just be confident that it's what's inside of you that is convincing him to stick around for more. =)

I'm Asian, btw. And yes, I condone white boys dating "our women".


Male, 37, Astoria, NY



Female, 29, Fort Belvoir, VA

Yes! I know non-asian men who are only interested in asian girls & it creeps me out. My cousin Soony told me how her boyfriend keeps pictures of all his ex girlfriends (who are all asian) in a little shoebox in his closet. ummmmmm weirdo much? My ex on the other hand needs to be with girls who are mixed with asian but not full asian? He is asian and he said he didn't like girls who were just asian they had to have some type of mixture in there. I didn't find this out till later in the relationship. & after we broke up his next girlfriend was a Kamora Simmons looking girl.
I think it's kinda sick. Anyone who is interested in one race just because they're indeed that one race. No matter what there personality is like as long as that fit that ethnicity or background...creeps me out. I understand what you mean. :/

I keep pictures, letters, momentos of all my ex's in a box in my closet too. And I know several people who do that. I don't find that weird.

Unless of course, he's using those pictures for unsavory things. -__-


Male, 37, Allston, MA



Female, Age Private, Los Angeles, CA

i believe she said "generally" and if that doesn't apply to you then don't take it personal....
yes, point well taken, we are all complex with various multiple identities that could be another post in itself,

i think all of you could go on and mean i could go on and on how non-Asian men want to date me because:
1) large breasts
2) wavy hair
3) long hair/nails

internalized racism plays out in interracial relationships and often the media and why we "desire" certain

also wanted to throw in that I think maybe she was referring to Asian women as different from the stand point of being from the Eastern world versus the Western world that is TYPICALLY Christian, English-speaking, Capitialist, First World etc....

anyways, bottom line, I just felt compelled to back homegurl up because I think her post was taken out of context and taken to a whole nother level.....

peace & blessings,

Ever watch the movie "Do the right thing?"

Don't we all love our stereotypes and judgmental attitudes?


I can tell you this, my judgement is based on experience and compatibility. We can all try different colors of the rainbow and in the end it comes down to, can I tolerate the person, communicate with the person, and can I appreciate that person's personality?

Have i desire to learn that person's culture and assimilate it into mine?

Asiaphile is a funny catagory as is yellow fever is a funny way to address people who like asians.

i just dont' think it is helpful to box and label our society and societal trends.

Look deeper and we should learn from each others cultures!



Male, 28, New York, NY


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Male, 33, Elizabeth, NJ


Wow. I always wondered about stuff like this, though obviously not from an asian's standpoint. The whole "Like you because youre -insert race-".

I thought; would i rather have a person hate me because im -insert race- or would i rather have a person like me because im -insert race-. A person outside of my nationality having a large interest in me and my race for all the goods that come from it is kinda flattering. Weird is something you cant explain or understand, same thing goes for hatred. So in the end, ive decided that i dont really mind being liked because im -insert race-. :)

Of course i cant speak for anyone else, so, its just my 2 cents on the issue.


Male, 34, Jackson, NJ


There are two main loaded names for this preference: Asiaphilia and Asian fetish. The latter is problematic for those who prefer Asian women, because of its connotations. To them, a sexual fetish is sexual obsession with an object, such as a shoe, and they don't regard their preference to be in the same category. Ming Tan, a dating expert, quotes one correspondent as saying that he thinks that "there's a massive, huge difference between such a fetish and my preference for Asians". The correspondent goes on to describe the "grace" and the ability to create "harmony in one's family, workplace, and community" that he finds attractive in Asian women.[1] Jenny Parker, co-founder of the web site, exemplifies the connotations that are drawn from this name by some Asian women themselves:[2] My spouse happens to be non-Asian, so I find the terms Asian fetish/Yellow Fever disagreeable if not insulting. I'd rather believe that my husband asked me to marry him because I had exhibited some desirable qualities to him during our courtship, and not because he needed an Asian woman to fulfill a fetish of his. If a term must be used to label this type of romance, I would be okay with "preference". marknik123 full time part time jobs


Male, 34, Jackson, NJ


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Male, 38, Fullerton, CA


Nothing wrong with preference.

I think we start to see the line crossed though for asiaphiles, when they go out of their way to get an asian. Learning the language (or strongly thinking of learning it), immersing themselves within the asian culture, frequently visiting asia are all red flags.

I think at some point, it might suggest the person has some issues if they show obsession. Its going to depend on the person. Some people are psychos others are just a little crazy, others are perfectly healthy (if not a real obsession - just a liking).

In general, any obsession would suggest a bit of craziness, imo.


Male, 38, Los Angeles, CA


Is love an obsession?


Male, Age Private, Colorado Springs, CO


when dos it cross over?
prolly when the person gets
obsessed and has yellow fever.

i know alot of people like that.
regardless of skin color.
or how messed up their
past was


Male, 36, Daly City, CA


I think it depends on how you look at it. There's people of all races on here that are members because most of them prefer to date asians from one reason or another. I know that there's people obsessed with Asians but overall I think it should be taken as a compliment if people of other races are interested in Asians and the culture.


Male, 38, Lowell, MA


Some of you try to say it's not a fetish, some say it's preferences, some say there's a difference between preference and asianphilia, etc. Knock it off!!

It is a fetish, it is preference, it's all the same thing! And u know what? There's nothing wrong with it. People can't help it if they like something and if they do, so what!


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Male, 51, Germantown, MD



Female, Age Private, Seattle, WA

hi all,

i can imagine that this has been discussed before but i couldn't find it when i searched here goes.

i went out on a couple of dates with this caucasian guy only to find out that he's recently divorced and his ex is korean also. (i'm korean) coincidence? he's dated a white girl and a japanese girl before me...which neither worked out.

but i've developed a sensitivity to white men who end up dating asian women from some past experiences...when does it cross over from being preference to asiaphile?

anyone have any experiences / thoughts about this? ladies especially, please share your 2 cents about this! it comes up regularly and i don't know what to make of it...ugh.


It depends on the guy and how hard is asiaphilia is.
If everything in his life is asian then yeah he is a freak.

I met these 2 japanese girls and we needed a 4th so we could play teams on the tennis courts.

after the game he invited us to his place.

Kitchen was entirely korean.
living room was entirely japanese
bathroom was thai filipino mix and bedroom was entirely chinese.
Another bad kind of white guy who boasts about his divorced asian wife to his date and he refused to learn to eat with chopsticks. So If it seems a white male or black male has been into this for years and never pickup chopsticks then you need to drop him asap.
A good white asiaphile will normally be like that from birth
he has had asian friends. he gew up addicted to judo or kung fu and loves asian movies or americanized movies like BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA. ANd he will at times will even attempt at learning things about buddah and such.
and may even speak some or lots of different asian languages as he tries to FIT IN."internationaly wizdom" person of the world and not of his nationality
another bad type is the white guy with OCD.
They are controlling and hate outdoors or hates their mate to be with other people..... often time they are super skinny glasses and dominating and wear goatee/pony tail or a asian military bomber jacket with asian writing on the back to appeal to asian women who grew up on USA military bases.

I have seen all the bad types and good types too so i hope my reply helps as I have met those i described above.

Oh and you are very pretty :-)

I am german irish myself and striving to learn 5 langues.


Male, 35, Orange, CA


As a white guy who has dated Asian women, I have grown completely and absolutely creeped out by the willingness of some members of the Asian community to be the final judge, jury and executioners concerning the "line" between "fetish" and "attraction." Sure there are creepy men ? including Asian men ? who have weird fetishes for other women. What's new? That's always been the case. But here's the important part: when you single out white men who date asian women you are stereotyping and committing the very error that you *claim* white men are inflicting on asian women.

That's called hypocrisy.

For the record:

Further, it utterly dehumanizes me as a human being when people use this as a weapon against me, and I will remind all of you to be careful to NOT stereotype. Those of you who are smart - of any race - will know my heart here. Again: please, please, please be careful to not make all white male/asian female relationships into a stereotype-fest ? the very thing Asian women are repelled by.

Though there are *certainly* many Asian men who are very mature about this kind of thing, there are also MANY of the deeply insecure ones who would perpetuate the extreme racist mythology that *ALL* WM/AF relationships are somehow twisted and based on odd motives.

They are trying to demonize three kinds of people:

1. Asian women who do not date Asian men and/or date white men;
2. White women who do not like Asian men (another myth/stereotype)
3. White men who date Asian women

However, some Asian men and white women find allegiance in the radical dehumanization of white men/Asian women in relationship because it enforces a cathartic punishment that both groups are looking for: for the white women, they get to punish asian women for being a threat; for Asian men, they get to punish white men for being a threat. It's funny how interesting partnerships get forged out of a drive to dehumanize certain groups of people and characterize them as if they were rabid gross animals who have no control over themselves.

Here is where things start to get really creepy from the other direction: those who are threatened by the sight of an WM/AF in relationship use the *dehumanization card,* making both of them into animals, and therefore worthy of ugly and horrible scorn and insult. I mean, it gets really, really, really CREEPY sometimes how some find it so *fabulously easy and exciting* to find facility for making a white man with an Asian woman into a mythical, gross, obsessed animal.

Then of course, the Asian woman herself is utterly dehumanized and marginalized for being **stupid and dumb for being with the white man** in the first place. To many native Asians - particularly NE Asians - anyone who is with a woman not of their race is instantly labeled a %#&@$!. YEP: dehumanization, marginalization, humiliation, and, ultimately, ostracization. Wow.

But I am not writing today to further perpetuate any stereotypes. I try to always use the word "some" when referring to groups and their particular behaviors. It is never "all." I know some of the women here posting have honest concerns and I respect that. But I am concerned that in trying to fight stereotypes, we end up creating and perpetuating the very stereotypes that we are crusading against. That is: all white men with asian women have a "fetish."

Further, with respect to the women, I think it is high time that both white men and Asian men both ? together ? began to fight the idiotic stereotypes that go around about both of us. I am willing to fight against the stupid stereotypes non-Asians have of Asian men. Our maleness as both Asian male and White male, belongs to us. And that maleness, deeper than race, can be utterly respectful and loving toward *any woman of any race.* I just don't think we should expect women to take care of our wierd stereotypes about eachother. I think we should be mature, progressive men and take back our male-ness that respects female-ness in all of its variety and complexity.

Finally, as an example of an Asian who is, ahem, VERY interested in blond haired, blue-eyed women, I will share a story. I am sitting around a table of Asian Americans, who, I am sure, talk about white guys with asian women, and throw around the "fetish" thing without thinking about it. It does not come up with me, and I think these folks are way mature enough to see it is not true with me, and I appreciate that so much. But my Korean-American friend definitely has a "thing" for blond girls. So he announces it right there in front of everyone, with dreamy eyes and all, that he "just is not attracted to Asian women." And "he can't get enough of white, blond haired women." You might think that everyone was "creeped out" or "repelled by his fetish," right?

Um. No. Everyone thought it was cute. He has a thing for white girls. How funny [chuckle chuckle]... What if he had been me talking about asian women? Yep, you guessed it. I would have been judged and dehumanized.

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