vunny's Blog

During the winter of 2007, my parents went on vacation to Cambodian. My sisters and I were left in charge of the house, car, and our baby sister. Taking care of the house and the car wasn't that big of an ordeal, since we rotated tasks. My baby sister on the other hand, did the craziest things instead of saying them.

On New Year's Day, instead of sticking her finger up her nose she decided to stick two beads up there. I am certain that she tried her best to remove the beads before coming to me in a frantic state. Screaming at the top of her lungs with tears streaming down her face, my heart dropped. When she pointed to her nose, I noticed two lumps. I asked her what she did and she showed me the beads in her hand. I wanted to laugh but knowing that it would upset her more, I had to hold it in.

I knew sticking another object up her nose to remove the beads wouldn't be a good thing since there was a high chance the beads would be pushed further into her nose. I placed my finger next to the beads and started to massage it down. With her cheeks still soaking in tears, I asked her if she could blow her nose. I figured she would've just blown her nose right there and then but she ran to grab a tissue; I had to laugh. Her first attempt was a complete failure. She became extremely anxious.

I tried to comfort her by telling her that the beads were coming down and that she just had to blow a little harder the second time. When she was ready to try again, I told her to relax and just think of the beads as really big boogers. When the beads flew out of her nostrils, I smiled and laughed in my head. I could see the relief in her face and I, personally, was overcome with a great feeling of accomplishment. After the incident, she returned to her movie and I laughed until I cried.

This gift didn't cost much. To be honest, it didn't cost me a single penny. They say great gifts comes with pocket draining price tags but I say the greatest gift in the entire world is given by God. I know because he already sent me mine. And yes my dear sweet love, that very gift is you.

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I'm sitting here trying to find the words to describe how I feel but I will admit to you that it will be far from perfection. What I am writing to you will be far from perfection because I cannot pinpoint the exact reason why I love you and that's probably because there's more than one reason why I do.

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When you look at me, I just know that I am the luckiest girl alive. It doesn't matter to me if you are looking at me in person or if there are thousands of miles and an ocean between you and me, I can still see all the beauty life holds through your eyes. And because of you I am even more thankful to be given the blessing of being able to wake up one day after another.

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It's hard to see you only once in a blue moon. It's hard to have you so far away for so long. It's even harder waiting to hear if you are safe when you go on endless missions. It's difficult trying to hold in my tears when I don't hear from you for days and at times, weeks. What I have to handle now can never compare to pain that will come if I had to live my life without you. I have tried by lying to myself that I do not love you but lets' face it; the Lord knows you are the very reason why my heart races.

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We have not weathered too many storms together but I know that we will, as a couple, try our best to get through whatever obstacle that maybe in our way. We will argue, we will yell, we will cry, we will not talk, but I know that we will always love one another and when it is time to say our prayers at night, we will ask God to watch out for each other and we will thank him for giving us our love. You are my greatest blessing.

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There are no short cuts for mending a broken heart. No "bestselling" self-help book can patch up the large hole after a few hundred plus pages. No family member, no friend, and (realistically) not even the person who caused the pain can speed up the healing process. Sometimes, it seem as though time actually causes more pain than it heals.

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Today marks a year; a year of pain-ridden tears, broken promises, and my shattered heart. I will not place my pride on a pedestal and lie. I will admit to myself as well as to everyone reading this entry, my heart has not mended.

I still feel the same pain I felt this same day a year ago, and in all honestly I think the pain has only grown more unbearable. I understand completely that I cannot turn back the hands of time and even if I could, I would not want too. I wouldn't know what to change or what to leave the same. I didn't know then, so what makes me so sure I would know now?

I still do hold on to the yesterdays of him and me as an US and the plans we had made for the tomorrows. I believe it is the tomorrows I envisioned that haunts me the most. They are the unobtainable dreams I want to be real and also the reason behind countless tears and silent screams that has filled my room plenty nights.

I'm not sure how it started or even why it started but when I saw him, I knew I was going to love him more than I have ever loved or was ever going to love anyone else.

Love comes when it is ready. It has no face, no scent, no voice, no body, but you will feel it; and I still feel it even with all this pain.

How much I love you puzzles you
You can't seem to put the pieces together
As you sit there stunned
Listen to the words that I have to say


I love you not because you are perfect
But because you made it possible for me
To find perfection in your imperfections
It's those silly mistakes that make moments memorable
It's those moments that causes me to smile during the night
When thoughts of you are dancing across my ceiling


I love you because you have given me the most beautiful thing in the world
You have given me the feeling of love
The ability to see the good in everything
The knowledge that even though there are no monuments dedicated to me,
I have succeeded in life as amazing as someone whose legacy still lives
Because I've loved another with all my heart and soul and to me,
this has always been enough

That is why I love you the amount that I do.

It was as if I lost all control. The battle I have been so sure about has gone and turned against me. The weapons I have and the ones I added onto my army did not matter, they were useless. The enemies just kept getting stronger and stronger. The stronger they got, the more helpless I felt. I waited for a ray of light to shine but waiting isn't the way to go. There's no point in hoping for the light, especially when the only light I would see is that bright one I am not ready to follow. So I decided to take action, I had to make a big blow. I had to blow these suckers out and make them realize that I am no pushover and that this war is mine to conquer. So I made the blow and boy did it feel good sending the message to those suckers. They, however, made a comeback faster then I had expected. So I gave another blow and blew them out of their sockets but they did the same thing and so did I. They came back and I gave another blow. After so many blows I was weak, tired, and in a lot of pain. I had to resort to new measures but what could I possibility do? I had to call for backup, I was not going to lose this battle to the invading mucus.

So I guess this is the end. I'm tired and I bet you are as well. We aren't where I planned we would be but that's exactly why we didn't reach the destination. I planned our forever alone, when it should've been the both of us planning and working towards it together. I don't have anything more to say or more like I just cant seem to say it out loud. It's running through my mind over and over again and I'm wishing you could read my mind but you are no mind reader.

You tell me that you meant every word when you said it. I guess the jokes on me to think that you meant forever and always. I didn't know the words lost it's meaning with each passing second. If I knew I would have rather not hear the words you had said.