Alright, enought about my radio show for now...lol!
Mind you, it went wel!!
I got into a big argument with my new g/f (of 3 weeks) last weekend over many things...
1- she doesn't like to or show any kind of affection hold hands in public.
I told her that holding hands is a gesture that someone is happy to be with you and proud to have you. Nothing wrong with it.
2- she doesn't like to approach me early on, about something that she doesn't like me doing. She'll bottle it in until I've done it once too many times and THEN blow up on me...and also hold me accountable for each individual occurence.
I told her that she never told me about anything that bothered her and that there was no communication from her.
3- she claims that I never ask her where she wants to go (ie her favorite restaurant), but she never even told me what it is.
On our first date, I had asked her what kinds of restaurants she liked (to see if she is one of those chicks with "expensive tastes")...she said "I eat anywhere. I'm not picky when it comes to food". She clearly NEVER told me any of her favorite spots, therefore I presumed that she had none.
You might find that my replies were very logical...and you're right. However, to girls, logic isn't enough. The girl just would not listen. I specifically asked "What's better? letting someone know early one, that he's annoying you, so that he can stop? or letting him do it 10000x , bottling it up, and THEN blowing up on him?"....her answer....get this..."both".
I sh#t you not!
These are USUALLY very warranted reasons to do the Donald Trump "You're Fired" routine.
I went home pissed and at a loss. So, since she was not ready to resolve anything, I told her to call me when she's ready to discuss in a proper manner.
This is described pretty well in a new book that I'm reading. It's called "A Practical Handbook for the Boyfriend by Felicity Huffman and Patricia Wolff"
I find that the book is great, since it clearly tells you that guys think "a+b=c", whereas women think in much more complex and illogical equations. However, to them, it makes perfect sense. The only problem is that they cannot explain it to you, if asked to do so.
I have not finished the book yet, and needed to deal with this rather quickly. So...had to improvise.
When I came to see her on Saturday,. I had these words for her.
Me: I don't like it when we fight
Her: me neither
Me: and it pisses me off more if it's about something that could have been prevented early on, had someone spoken up.
Her : but I have a short fuse and I blow up when I get upset.
Me: Yes, but if you're not going to communicate any problems that you want to see stopped, then how do you expect the guy to know? I can only fix what I see.
Imagine, one day, your Internet's not working. You call the helpdesk pissed. The technician asks you what the problem is...you say "I don't know". He asks what the error message is . "I don't know". He asks what kinds of symptoms are occuring? "I don't know". Then, obviously he won't be able to help you, since you're not helping him! And then you blame it on him and complain to his supervisor? That's nonsense!
Her: well...yeah...
Me: And imagine you have a leaking pipe at your house. Do you fix it or wait till your whole house is flooded and damaged, til you take action?
Her: yeah....
Me: Building a relationship is putting up a skyscraper. If the foundation starts to crack, you gotta fill the cracks. If some bolts at the bottom come off, you have to screw them back on asap...leave all those knots untied for a long period of time and sooner or later...when a powerful gust of wind hits, the thing will topple in seconds.
Her: oh...
Me: Communication is the foundation. And if you're REALLY serious about a long term relationship, and possible marriage, then you should really consider it.
Her: ohh....okayyyyy
Me: Now holding hands in public...there are tons of women out there who are cannot land a b/f, for whatever reason (e.g. unattractive features, overweight, handicap, etc..), even though they are very sweet people. They were just not fortunate. Those women can only DREAM about holding a man's hand and being loved. They can only dream about being with someone who even WANTS to hold their hands and not ashamed of it. Now, a guy who really likes you, wants to hold your hand and show the world that he's yours...and you say "no?".
Her : That is true
Me: Well, again, if you're really interested in a REAL relationship, then u might want to consider that too.
Her: Welll....okayyyyy
Me : Now your favorite restaurants. YOu cannot possibly think thatI can read your mind. If you specifically tell me that you have no restaurant preferences, then I'm going to beleive you. I know that girls want guys who can read their minds. However, I'm not a mindreader or a psychic. Maybe, in time, I'll get a better feel and be able to predict what you want, but after only 3 weeks of knowing you (and only 6 times actually meeting you face to face)...COME ON!!!
Her: yeah, I know...
In the end, she saw what she did wrong.
So, I patched up the cracks. Arguing girls doesn't work, no matter how right you are. Even if you bring scientifically-proven facts and statistics on your side. They only believe in their own logic and, for some reason, it makes perfect sense to them.
Wait for her to calm down. Perhaps give her a few days away from you. Explain things to her, and sadly, give her examples (such as fixing leaks), cause women just don't visualize the same way that we do.
I've met some that DO understand men very well and even find their fellow women weird. However, the average gal was just not brought up to be a problem solver. And you have to forgive them for that.
