Panda_BowL's Blog

A friend should be..

Old: Made long ago. New: Just found. Friendly: comforting. Trustworthy: Worthy of confidence. Honest: Genuine. Open Minded: Ready to entertain new ideas. Outgoing: To go beyond. Simple: Not deceitful. Intelligent: Showing judgment. Witty: Express amusing insights. Humorous: Characterized by humor. Silly: Lack of wisdom. Loving: Intense emotional attachment. Friends: A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts

After last night, my friends made me realize how lucky I am to have them, love them, and them loving me. I made dinner for 3 of my friends, which I didn't mind because I love cooking. Just me providing, nurturing, spoiling them with food made me happy. What made it even better was their constant compliments during dinner that makes me want to do it again. It was a very simple dinner but seeing their faces filled with satisfaction made all the hard work worth it. Danny finally opening up welcoming us back into his life was something we all patiently waited because we knew he would wake up and realize who his real friends are, not the ones that know hes a nice guy and take advantage of. Robert going with the flow on my crazy ideas yesterday made any negative things in the past erase. Yesterday, he didn't complain on me making him buy a pie for Danny, going to the car wash with me, going food shopping with me, the beer runs, and never once called me crazy when I say "lets do this" or "let's do that". And Ana, I love that woman to death. First on Thursday, I was home alone all day long and I was seriously on the verge of crying because I was so bored, alone, and going crazy because there was nothing to do. So she convinced her husband to take care of their kids so that she can go to the mall with me and have lunch. Last night, I kept complimenting on her shoes because they were abso-f-ing-lutely adorable. I dropped her off at her house and when I got home, I noticed the shoes in my car. She left them for me and went home without shoes. She will do anything she can to spend time with me. I know she has 4 kids, a husband that works a lot of OT, and she runs her own cake business.

I had a great time last night with all my stress and issues put aside. I hope you that is reading this had a great time last night as well
 

he promised, when spring is over and summer is here, he'll be back. how stupid of me to think that he actually meant what he said? the past two months, i actually waited.. every night at the same time, I would be awake waiting for that ringtone to play.. and by a certain time I knew it wouldn't ring and I would go cry myself to sleep. every morning, during the drive to school, I would look at my watch and when it hit 7, I would think that he is starting work.. and the drive home, again I would look at my watch and think that he is almost going home. Saturday's I would wonder if he's at the mall waiting for the stores to open, or eating dim sum, or bike riding. I wonder what he's having for lunch/dinner, is he keeping to his eating habits, I wonder what he is doing, who he is with, where he is. But I know, he doesn't think about me, not for a second since that day. I told myself I'd give him until summer, guess what, I believe today is the first day of summer.

I guess I have no other choice but to let my heart break completely now and find someone that has the patience and love to rebuild my heart again. i'm tired of crying, i'm sick of seeing his name everywhere i go, i hate the fact that i can't go through a day without someone mentioning him (whether it was a student or a family member), 'he's not a bad guy, he's not a jerk, he's not an asshole' the things i said defending him to my coworkers and adminstrators. i never knew how much they cared about me until my vice principal said "do you need me to take care of him?" he caused me to cry in front of people for the first time in my 25 years of living. i felt completely weak and vulnerable. everyone tells me i should hate him.. but i don't and i can't, for all that he has done for me..

our paths acrossed ten years ago, separated, crossed again earlier this year, and now the fork is ahead of us, him and i are going on different paths, it's not rejection from him, it's a reward from him. i will never forget everything he has done for me.. he reminded me how it feels to be 100% happy in life. he taught me how to be myself. he gave me confidence in doing things that i thought i could/would never do. he made me realize what i want in life, what i need in a significant other, and what i will not tolerate from anyone. he may never know, how grateful i am that our paths crossed again. the first time, we had no idea why our paths separated, but this time, i will never forget what happened.

1. "you have been the best teacher" Wilson Lamug, AVID, 06-08-09 (my reply was.. "only because I let you sleep in my class, jk")

2. "I won the scholarship because you encouraged me and had faith in me" Brittany Arevelo, AVID, 06-08-09

3. "I trust you, Ms. Ho" Nancy Acuna, AVID, 06-09-09 (her first roller coaster was with me.. riding Goliath.. at Six Flags)
 

within a blink of an eye, time flew by. another school year has passed and who could of predicted all the exciting, painful, frustrating, uplifting events that would happen between 08-09? Monday is our 8th graders graduation, my babies are graduating, I never thought our two years could come to an end so quickly. i've seen them grow physically and mentally. coming into room 20 as little immature, fold our hands on top of the table babies are now "no, no, no ms. ho, that is not the proper way to do it".. them teaching me about life.. go figure. and as i am priviledged to say their names, just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. as i get to say the last of my students name, i have to let them go and just pray and have faith in them; that they will make the right decisions in high school and continue soaring like they did as soaring eagles for the past 3 years of their lives. i look at my 7th graders every day for the past couple of weeks and wonder 'will these kids live up to the expectations of my 8th graders?' i certainly hope so.. but as for now.. my AVID class of 09 has made their way into my heart and that is where they will stay.