he promised, when spring is over and summer is here, he'll be back. how stupid of me to think that he actually meant what he said? the past two months, i actually waited.. every night at the same time, I would be awake waiting for that ringtone to play.. and by a certain time I knew it wouldn't ring and I would go cry myself to sleep. every morning, during the drive to school, I would look at my watch and when it hit 7, I would think that he is starting work.. and the drive home, again I would look at my watch and think that he is almost going home. Saturday's I would wonder if he's at the mall waiting for the stores to open, or eating dim sum, or bike riding. I wonder what he's having for lunch/dinner, is he keeping to his eating habits, I wonder what he is doing, who he is with, where he is. But I know, he doesn't think about me, not for a second since that day. I told myself I'd give him until summer, guess what, I believe today is the first day of summer.
I guess I have no other choice but to let my heart break completely now and find someone that has the patience and love to rebuild my heart again. i'm tired of crying, i'm sick of seeing his name everywhere i go, i hate the fact that i can't go through a day without someone mentioning him (whether it was a student or a family member), 'he's not a bad guy, he's not a jerk, he's not an asshole' the things i said defending him to my coworkers and adminstrators. i never knew how much they cared about me until my vice principal said "do you need me to take care of him?" he caused me to cry in front of people for the first time in my 25 years of living. i felt completely weak and vulnerable. everyone tells me i should hate him.. but i don't and i can't, for all that he has done for me..
our paths acrossed ten years ago, separated, crossed again earlier this year, and now the fork is ahead of us, him and i are going on different paths, it's not rejection from him, it's a reward from him. i will never forget everything he has done for me.. he reminded me how it feels to be 100% happy in life. he taught me how to be myself. he gave me confidence in doing things that i thought i could/would never do. he made me realize what i want in life, what i need in a significant other, and what i will not tolerate from anyone. he may never know, how grateful i am that our paths crossed again. the first time, we had no idea why our paths separated, but this time, i will never forget what happened.
